he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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