you traded sex for a burrito?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize
