He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Randomize
