My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I have demons in me.
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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