Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
