Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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