Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
