So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
