I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
