Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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