Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize