so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
