Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
