Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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