he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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