It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
