Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
