I love black thongs
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize