please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
