This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I met the friendliest cop last night
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
