They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
