? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
