I love black thongs
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
