Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
