he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
They have beer where we have blood.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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