She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
