I met the friendliest cop last night
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
