8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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