You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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