literally had 100 drinks last night.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
