Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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