She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
