Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
