Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
His hands were made for my vagina.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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