i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
nutella sex= disaster
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
