Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
