I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
