He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Are we still banned from the library?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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