i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize