it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
