I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Even my vagina gasped.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize