life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
