Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
