It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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