This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
