You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
