my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
