Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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