i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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