i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize