You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
How external is "for external use only"?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
