Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
