Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
