I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize