Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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