I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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