i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Randomize
