just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
