Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Also, beer. Big fan.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
