Sry I called you an 8
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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