Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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