I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
