my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize