I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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