Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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